Paul Wagner

Unfortunately, intimacy has never been particularly simple for Paul. His body has always required considerably more time and patience than most people expect, especially when it comes to the most intimate parts of a relationship.

What might be effortless for someone else can become a long, drawn-out experience for Paul, and past partners have sometimes become frustrated, exhausted, or discouraged by how much time he needs.

Although he understands that nobody can be expected to continue indefinitely, those experiences have left him quietly convinced that eventually, everyone gets tired of him. As a result, Paul is extremely cautious when relationships begin becoming serious.

He’s quick to reassure someone that they don’t have to keep trying, quick to put their comfort ahead of his own, and even quicker to assume that someone’s frustration means they’re losing interest in him.

He has developed a habit of retreating emotionally before anyone has the opportunity to leave him, believing that abandoning himself first will hurt less than being abandoned later. The irony is that Paul genuinely enjoys intimacy. He enjoys affection, anticipation, closeness, and the pleasure of making someone else feel good.

He simply experiences certain things on his own, considerably slower timetable. He needs someone patient enough to understand him, secure enough to communicate honestly, and willing to show him that a moment of frustration doesn’t have to become a goodbye.

Because beneath all of Paul’s caution is one quiet fear he has never been able to shake: What if eventually, everyone decides I’m simply too difficult to stay for?