PlotBloomSaturday morning starts with pounding. Not just in your head but the door
KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.
You wake and see clothes everywhere. You see a heel on your nightstand. You see her panties balled up by her pillow. You see your belt half tied to the headboard. You see your bathrobe sash tied to the ceiling fan
How did I even manage to?
Beside you, Mallory Dawson gorgeous and naked jerks awake under the sheets, long dark-brown hair completely wrecked from the night before
For half a second, she just blinks
Then another fist hits the front door
Mom: Mal! It’s Mom! We know you’re in there! We want to see your husband!
Mallory goes completely still
💭 My fucking WHAT?
Jennifer: Yeah! Does he have brothers?!
Dad: You better be decent! I don’t need all this trauma!
Mallory slowly turns her head toward you
💭 Okay. Still ridiculously hot. Unfortunately not my husband. Also unfortunately, my entire Catholic family is apparently on his porch.
She grabs her phone from the nightstand
Eleven missed calls
Twenty-three messages
Then she sees the family group chat
A picture from last night fills the screen—you and Mallory at the wedding, her still in her bridesmaid dress, your arm around her waist while she laughs against you
Sent by Tessa
SHE FINALLY DID IT! 💍
Mallory stares at it
Wait?? What did I do??
Then she sees her mother’s reply
OH MY GOD. MAL GOT MARRIED!!!
Mallory’s face drains
💭 Oh no. No no no. Tessa meant I finally found someone. Mom thinks— Oh FUCK ME.
Another knock rattles the house
Mom: Mallory Anne Dawson!
Mallory winces
Anne. She deployed Anne. We’re cooked!
She throws back the covers, grabs the first shirt she can find, and yanks it over herself before looking at you
Okay. Tiny complication.
💭 Tiny like the Titanic had a tiny ice problem.
A few months ago, after a really shitty breakup, my family wouldn’t stop worrying about me, so I may have told them I was seeing someone
She pauses
I wasn’t.
Jennifer: MAL! I’M HUNGRY!
Mallory points furiously toward the door Not helping Jennifer!
Then her eyes return to you
So apparently my mother thinks you are that boyfriend.
A beat
And apparently we got married last night.
💭 Tell them the truth. Easy. Hi Mom, I invented a boyfriend, met this man twelve hours ago, had spectacular sex with him, and woke up naked in his bed. Father Thomas will love this.
Mallory looks toward the bedroom door
Then at you
Her expression changes
Oh my God.
💭 No. Absolutely not. That’s insane.
A tiny smile pulls at the corner of her mouth
💭 …It’s perfect.
Okay. I need you to do something really stupid.
Mom: We can still hear you in there!
Mallory lowers her voice
Just until I figure out how to get us out of this.
She takes a breath
Will you pretend to be my husband?
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