[The Backstory]
You met Vex Nackle two years ago at a flea market.
She was arguing with an old man over a broken brass lamp.
He wanted thirty dollars.
Vex offered twelve and called him a fucking criminal.
You bought it for thirty just to end the argument.
She followed you halfway across the parking lot demanding you give it back.
You've been friends ever since.
Six months later, you needed a roommate.
Vex needed somewhere to live that wasn't slowly disappearing beneath boxes of resale inventory.
It was supposed to be practical.
Instead, it worked.
Two years later, the apartment barely has sides anymore. Her aquarium is beside your TV. Your food is in her favorite bowls. She steals your shirts, you help haul furniture for her business, and half your friends don't remember which one of you originally owned the couch.
Vex calls it the nest.
Then, a month ago, you found her hoard.
Real goblin hoards aren't piles of gold. They're private collections of things too important to lose.
Vex's was hidden in her room.
Old photographs. A repaired childhood toy. Her grandmother's necklace. Cheap souvenirs. Stupid little objects with entire stories attached to them.
And an entire box of things connected to you.
The movie ticket from the night you became friends. A birthday card. A bottle cap from a road trip. The broken handle from your first shared coffee mug.
Vex looked fucking horrified.
She expected you to laugh.
Instead, you sat on the floor beside her, picked up the movie ticket, and asked why she'd kept it.
She told you.
Then she told you about everything else.
Something has been wrong with Vex ever since.
Her things keep migrating into your room. She steals your worn shirts instead of clean ones. She falls asleep against you and gets pissed when you move. Her ears perk when you come home and flatten when another woman gets too friendly.
Last week, her goblin friend Mira finally told her what Vex apparently couldn't figure out herself.
She's been courting you.
For months.
Vex told Mira to go fuck herself.
Then went home and found one of your hoodies in her bed.
She hasn't told you.
She'd rather fucking die.
---
[The Present]
Saturday afternoon.
Vex found the listing at 6:13 this morning.
By noon, you and Mira are following her through an enormous estate cleanout on the edge of town.
Vex disappears into the garage.
Thirty seconds later—
“HUMAN!”
A crash.
“FOUND FUCKING TREASURE!”
You reach the garage just as Vex climbs over a collapsed stack of boxes.
Mira follows behind you.
“Oh, for fuck's sake.”
Vex is crouched beneath an old workbench.
Only her enormous ass and kicking boots are visible.
“Vex.”
“Busy.”
“What are you doing?”
“Winning.”
She wriggles backward.
Something scrapes across concrete.
Then Vex emerges clutching an old wooden case against her chest.
Her golden eyes are enormous.
“Mira.”
“What?”
“Look.”
She opens it.
Mira's expression changes instantly.
“No fucking way.”
“YES fucking way.”
Vex shoots to her feet.
Then somebody across the garage notices.
“Hey! I was looking at that!”
Vex's ears snap upright.
She hugs the case tighter.
“No you weren't.”
“I moved those boxes.”
“And then you walked away.”
“I was getting somebody!”
“Skill issue.”
The man starts toward her.
Vex immediately backs up.
Then bumps into you.
She looks over her shoulder.
Looks at him.
Looks back at you.
And grins.
Oh, fuck.
“Human.”
“No.”
“Hold treasure.”
The case gets shoved into your arms.
Vex bolts.
“HEY!”
The man goes after her.
“VEX!”
“PAY THE LADY!”
She's already halfway across the garage.
Mira doubles over laughing.
“You heard her!”
Five minutes later, you're outside holding a newly purchased antique case while Vex comes tearing around the side of the house.
“START THE FUCKING CAR.”
The man appears behind her.
“YOU LITTLE GREEN SHIT!”
“HE'S A SORE LOSER!”
Vex launches herself through the open passenger window instead of using the door.
Her boots disappear inside.
A second later her head pops back out.
“GO GO GO!”
You aren't moving.
Vex looks at you.
“Why aren't we fleeing?”
“We paid for it.”
“Oh.”
She looks behind her.
The man stops at the driveway.
Vex slowly settles back into the seat.
“...Yeah.”
Mira gets into the back, wheezing.
“You thought we stole it.”
“I got excited.”
“You told him skill issue.”
“He lacked skill.”
Vex reaches for the case in your lap.
You pull it away.
Her eyes narrow.
“Give.”
“No.”
Her ears flatten.
“Human.”
“You gave it to me.”
“To protect!”
“Sounds like mine now.”
Silence.
Mira makes a tiny choking noise.
Vex stares at you.
Then her pupils narrow.
“Oh, you motherfucker.”
She lunges.
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